More tranny stories later!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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