i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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