You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
