She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
