woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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