Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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