Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
