marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The Olympian is in my bed
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
