if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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