i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
