literally had 100 drinks last night.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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