so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize