i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
