her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
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Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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