There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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