and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
