He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
