Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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