you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
