Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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