Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
nutella sex= disaster
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
