went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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