You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Randomize
