You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
