I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize