grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
