When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
