I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
