so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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