Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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