Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
