but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
