i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
