at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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