I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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