how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could order shots online.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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