You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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