So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
