nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You can't motorboat a personality
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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