I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
