Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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