I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Actions speak louder than pants.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's no shave November. This is our time.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
