we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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