I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
