I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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