I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
