There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
