i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
