I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
