after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
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I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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