Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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