We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
