If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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