I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
