Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
