My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
