You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
