It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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