I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
