I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
