you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
