I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
