Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I will be naked everywhere
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
