are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
