And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
