just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
NoShamevember. You game?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
