you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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