i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
