you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
