At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hippo gnu deer
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
