i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
