don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
