Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
