Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
