dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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